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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24585286">shall i compare thee to a summer's day?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyblues/pseuds/mistyblues'>mistyblues</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fairy Tail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Gen, can you tell i haven't seen a single game of football, henlo and thenk, highkey friendship lowkey romance, part-chatfic, take a shot for every reference to the bard, to anyone who came here from FFN, unresolved textual tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:48:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,730</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24585286</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyblues/pseuds/mistyblues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The cornerstone of all legendary friendships is a killer origin story. Naturally, ours begins in Fairy Tail Academy's dingiest bathroom stall.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lucy Heartfilia &amp; Levy McGarden &amp; Loke (Fairy Tail), Natsu Dragneel &amp; Gray Fullbuster &amp; Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel &amp; Lucy Heartfilia, Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>shall i compare thee to a summer's day?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So. I've always wanted to write a fic that's shameless in its lack of Plot™ and what better than high school to serve as the backdrop for meandering twaddle? </p><p>"Thank you" to Mon who will never read this because she already has, more times than any beta should. And "you're welcome" to William Shakespeare for being gratuitously featured throughout.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>t</em><em>empt not a desperate man</em>"<br/>
— Act 5, Scene 3; Romeo and Juliet</p>
<hr/><p><em>The secret to dope pranksmanship</em>, decided Natsu Dragneel, as his Home Ec. teacher turned the colour of the hottest chilli-pepper known to mankind, <em>is simplicity</em>.</p><p>"Ichiya-sensei?"</p><p>"H-he's choking..."</p><p>"I'll save him!"</p><p>As, the class erupted into chaos, Natsu was content to hang back with the delight of an arsonist watching a building go up in flames—until a hand yanked him out into the corridor.</p><p>"First rule of mischief: Run When You're Done," said the brown-haired girl, turning—<em>oh, Coach's daughter</em>—to shut the door. "What'd you put in the salad, jalapeño?"</p><p>"Dragon's Breath," Natsu grinned back. "He won't be talking for two days."</p><p>"Nice!" she high-fived him. "Well, I'm gonna go nap on the roof. See ya."</p><p>As he was trying to recall her name—<em>Hana? Sana? Ehh, I can always ask the St</em>—his belly growled and he abandoned all other thoughts in favour of finding the nearest vending machine. Once well-fed and watered, he wandered over to the bathroom for a quick piss when his world tilted on its axis. There, scrawled in a corner of the stall door in pink sharpie, the five most beautiful words he'd ever seen:</p><p>
  <em> <strong>WILL DO HOMEWORK FOR MONEY</strong> </em>
</p><p>There was a phone number below. After some internal debate—<em>should I? I should, right? This is some Yatogami shit</em>—he sent off a text and waited... waited... waited.</p><p><em>Well, they're probably busy</em>, he decided, as he finally left. <em>Patience, grasshopper!</em></p>
<hr/><p>And he tried, he really did. But when two periods had gone by, and the last bell rang... He shuffled down the corridors, hands stuffed sulkily in his pockets, wondering what to do about that stupid paper due all-too-soon. Suddenly, the phone pinged.</p><p>In response to his,</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>yoo</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>is this like</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>legit</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>he'd received:</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Excuse me?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>yknow</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>the SERVICES ur offering</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Buddy, it's homework. Not 1-800-ASSASSIN.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>boo wheres the fun in that</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>anyways</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>im natsu</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Assignment and deadline?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Natsu plopped down on the stairs, digging through his backpack. Sandwiched between a bottle of tabasco sauce and a textbook that had never been opened, he found the crumpled piece of paper.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>explain the features of a shakesperan tragedy using pertnent examples</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>day after tomo</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>What grades do you typically get?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>umm why</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>This needs to be a realistic improvement so it doesn't raise suspicion.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>ooh smort</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>make it like c i guess</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Send a handwriting sample and I'll get started.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>whoa hol up</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>ur gonna write it out in MY handwriting??</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I guarantee no will be able to tell the difference.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>nah like</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>u must get tons of customers right</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>prolly takes loads of time to copy handwritings and shit</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>just send a pic and ill write</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Oh</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Okay.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>"Oi, Dragneel!" A whistle screeched from the touchline. "Get your head in the game!"</p><p>Jerking to attention, Natsu quickly scanned the pitch. <em>Shit, Gray's blocked.</em> "Here, I'm open!" he yelled, racing down the grass. Neatly trapping the ball away from Romeo's tackle, Gray passed. When it sailed towards Natsu, he leapt into the air and headbutted. A blur of black and white against the evening sky, the ball missed Freed's reaching fingers by inches... meeting the net with a satisfying thwack.</p><p>"That's more like it!" roared Coach Gildarts. "4-4-2 again, from the top."</p><p>When practice was over, the team huddled together for daily review.</p><p>"—got the skills, Conbolt! Just be confident." Coach turned to the strikers, "Good work, Fullbuster. You too, Dragneel, but <em>stay focused</em>."</p><p>"Aye, aye."</p><p>As they were doing their cool-down stretches, Gray snickered at Natsu, "What were you dreaming about anyway, dinner?"</p><p>"Just some day I can look up and your pecs won't be in my face."</p><p>"Aw crap—my shirt!"</p><p>Having gotten his dig in, Natsu leaned over conspiratorially. "Sooo. I saw this phone number in the bathroom behind Block-B..."</p><p>When he'd finished his recap, Gray looked supremely unimpressed. "You sure, Ash-head? You're not exactly the posterboy for self-preservation."</p><p>"Uhh. What."</p><p>"If you ever get an email from a deposed Nigerian prince," clarified Gray, "you'll probably reply with, <em>Is Nigeria like Wakanda? </em>and your bank details."</p><p>"Does this look like a scam, Freezer-breath?" growled Natsu, showing him the messages.</p><p>"Stardust, huh?" Gray's eyebrows rose as he scrolled through them. "Bit more elaborate than your average scam, I suppose. But could be one of the teachers out to catch anyone fool enough to try."</p><p>Natsu opened his mouth to argue that nobody was <em>that</em> sick in the head. Except... Oh fuck. What if the Stripper was right?</p>
<hr/><p>Back home, he was drowning his half-formed fears in a bowl of nachos—<em>if I miss another practice for detention, Coach's gonna use my head as the football</em>—when his phone pinged in a burst of messages:</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>[4 Attachments: JPEG]</p>
  <p>
    <em>The photos are numbered. Copy in that order.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Honestly, he could've cried.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>UR NOT A NARC!!</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Umm, no.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I've deducted 25% of the fee since it's just a soft copy.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>listen,,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>theres a reason i didnt take math</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Hang on</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I worked it out so you can check:</em>
  </p>
  <p>[Attachment: JPEG]</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>nah i trust ya</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Should you be telling me that?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>hey u might be a crook but u dont seem like a cheat</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Wow. The ultimate compliment.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>ehe</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>how do i pay</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Locker 143. And make it QUICK.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You hang around looking suspicious, someone's going to think you're buying weed.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>pssh im like a cat ok</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>or a ninja</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>whatevers more smooth</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>It's fascinating.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>How the more you talk, the lower my confidence dips.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>It was after dinner, when Wendy beat him at Rock Paper Scissors and he was forced to watch that ice princess singing about unknowns for the third night in a row, that Natsu remembered he had some major-league gloating to do.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>[4 Attachments: JPEG]</p>
  <p>
    <em>how does it feel bein wrong</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>like</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>all the time</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>VP Scarlet</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Natsu, why are you sending me pictures of your English essay?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He squinted at the name of the contact and jumped so violently that the cat curled up on his shoulder yowled in protest. <em>Play it cool, man, just play it cool..</em></p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>hii erza!! WAZZUP</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>VP Scarlet</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>That handwriting doesn't look like your chicken scratch...</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>hows it goin my dude :)</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>VP Scarlet</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Is somebody else doing your homework?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>whats crackalackin? :))</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>VP Scarlet</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You realise you just got suspended for the fireworks incident last week?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>oops happy just shit on the carpet gOTTA GO :)))</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>VP Scarlet</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Please wear your jockstrap to school tomorrow.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Muttering a steady stream of curses, Natsu rang a number he'd never admit to having third on speed dial.</p><p>"Hel—"</p><p>"Bastard, this is all your fault!"</p><p>Gray paused on the other end of the line. "I'm sure it is but mind filling me in?"</p><p>"That homework person sent the pictures and I accidentally forwarded them to Erza instead of you! Now she's all, <em>Is somebody else doing your homework, hm?</em>"</p><p>"<em>Fuuuck</em>. She's pretty busy organising the sports fest. Maybe she'll, I dunno, forget?"</p><p>"Yeah... maybe. But then she randomly told me to wear my jockstrap, like, what ev—"</p><p>Gray sucked in a sharp breath.</p><p>"Why, what's that mean?"</p><p>"...It means she's gonna kick you in the nads."</p>
<hr/><p>Half an hour later, Natsu was pressing a hot water bag to his face when footsteps approached his room. Shoving the bag under the pillow, he jumped into bed and waited.</p><p>"Natsu, don't stay up too late playing those ga—what's wrong?"</p><p>"T-Think I'm," he coughed weakly, "s-sick, Ma."</p><p>"My goodness, look how sweaty you are!" Grandine brushed the tap-water soaked hair back from his forehead. "And your sk—"</p><p>"What's with the ruckus?" Igneel poked his head in.</p><p>"Natsu is ill."</p><p>"Is he, now?"</p><p>"His skin is so hot!"</p><p>"It's always hot."</p><p>"Well, it's <em>hotter</em>," snapped Ma, adding that one day off from school wouldn't hurt his GPA. Pops snorted that it would probably <em>help</em>, yes, but what kind of truant officer would he be if his own son was breaking the rules?</p><p>
  <em>C'mon, old man, have a heart!</em>
</p><p>Suddenly his sister, who'd been standing at the door for who-knows-how-long, trotted over to peer down at him. "Nii-chan looks awful! Even worse than that road trip when we had to keep stopping for him to throw up." Natsu's left eye twitched. "One look at him and Nurse Porlyusica will send him home anyway. She's always saying the infirmary is full of idiots who don't know their own limits."</p><p><em>Bless you, Wen</em>, he thought, trying hard to resemble one of those idiots. <em>If this works...</em></p><p>After a long, nail-biting moment, Pops uncrossed his arms with a tch and Natsu resolved to watch Frozen 2 without complaint for the rest of his life. When his family had finally left (after some hovering from Ma), he pulled out his phone.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>uh hey somethin came up</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>i wont be at school tomo</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Ah</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Think you're the first to pull this stunt, Natsu Dragneel?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>nono wait</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>People are always generous with their money after a black eye.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>why does everyone keep threatning my life today?!</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You tell me, oh common denominator.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Do you also dine and dash?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY DAMMIT</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>my friend found out about the hw</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>and when erzas pissed she breaks stuff</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>like important bones in the human body</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Erza... Scarlet? Of the student council?</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>gahh yes</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>pls dude!</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>...One extra day. NO MORE.</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>salamander_the gr8</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>imma leave u the best yelp review ever T.T</em>
  </p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Stardust</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Pfft</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Good night.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Whew. One problem down. Now for the other...</p><p>Natsu messaged Gray to pass on the following information to Erza: that he wouldn't be able to make it to their appointment because he was, in fact, dying of a rare blood disease; and if he didn't wake up the next morning, she could have all his Sailor Moon manga. Huh, what was he leaving Gray? That'd be Happy's litter box, of course. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you too, Elsa, fuck you too.</p>
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